Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
