when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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