I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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