I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
