the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm too high and old for this...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
