the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
