I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I love you.
Bad choice
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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