I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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