So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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