Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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