So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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