Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
