yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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