I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
