sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
