Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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