Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
