Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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