well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
