oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
