Just fell off a train. Bad.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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