this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
