He is an equal opportunity slut.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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