I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
