you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
