i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
