69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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