"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
