Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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