so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My bed smells like the plague
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
