so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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