You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
