Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
