I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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