Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
