awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
