have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
