For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
