I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...