Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
