Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
