This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
