I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
