My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
