So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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