sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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