Your dad touched me again.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
