I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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