i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
