Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
