and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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