I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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