His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
