Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
