Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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