Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
