he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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